Listen.

This journey we call life is a crazy one, that's for sure. I think the craziest part is the unknown. I'm not scared of it anymore. It fascinates me, actually. I often sit and wonder where I'll be in 5 or 10 years. And then I remember that I need to live in the present and enjoy life instead of sitting around waiting for the future. But sometimes I wonder if the direction I'm going is the right one. Who knows? Only God. 

So one day I started praying for guidance, and I decided that it needed to be on my daily prayer list (because the rest of my life is kind of a big deal, so I should maybe try and make sure I do it right.)  I ask God to guide me in the right direction, and for the longest time I thought he was ignoring me. And then I read 1 Samuel 3:8-10: 

8"The Lord called Samuel again, for the third time. Getting up and going to Eli, he said, "Here I am. You called me." Then Eli understood that the Lord was calling the youth. 9So he said to Samuel. "Go to sleep, and if you are called, reply, 'Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.'" When Samuel went to sleep in his place, 10 the Lord came and revealed his presence, calling out as before, "Samuel, Samuel!" Samuel answered, "Speak, for your servant is listening.""

And in that moment I realized the most important part of my relationship with God: listening. God can talk to me and guide me all He wants, but it won't do any good unless I'm willing to listen to what He has to say. So here I am today to say: 

I am listening. 

I am ready, God, to hear whatever you have to say, and I will continue to pray for those who aren't listening, that they may open their hearts to let You in. 

Who Am I?

Lately, there have been quite a few things rolling around in my head. I've only told a select few people about most of them, but there's one that has been on my mind constantly for several months now. 

Relationships. 

I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I'm talking about all relationships. 

Dictionary definition, a relationship is "an emotional or other connection between people"

I don't know about everyone else, but I know for a fact that I have an emotional connection with several people. For me, though, connecting with people is easy. I'm a "people person," and have no problem striking up a conversation to get to know someone. In fact, meeting new people is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with so many amazing people in my life; people I can be silly with one day and have a heart-to-heart about what's on our minds the next day. I can't begin to accurately describe these friendships to anyone, because an outside source just wouldn't understand. That's what relationships are about: having a connection that no one else understands. 

And when I think about the future, I can only imagine how amazing a marriage will be. I look at my parents, who have been married for 36 years, and I see that they care about each other. I see that they love each other. I see that they would be lost without each other. But I can't begin to understand the inside of their relationship, nor do I want to because that is their relationship. A relationship of any sort can only be between two people. 

I've been single for about 8 months now, which is a change for me. After my relationship of 2 years ended, I was afraid didn't know how to be alone, and I dealt with that fear of the unknown in ways that I choose not to discuss. I don't forget them, though, because that part of my life has played a large part in who I am today, and who I continuously strive to be.

In high school, I would change my "likes" or "dislikes" to impress the guy I currently had a crush on. I would pretend to like things because he liked those things, and it would give us a conversation starter. I realized, though, that because of this: I had no idea who I was. What an incredibly terrifying thought. "I am Whitney Stoolman." That's all I knew. 

And then one day, it all changed. 

Yeah, right. If only it were that easy. It took time and a whole lot of prayer, and here's the kicker: I'm still not 100% sure. For example, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing after I graduate college. Actually, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing after class tomorrow. But the difference between then and now, is that I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not knowing what God has in store for me. I'm okay with not knowing where life will take me next. And the reason I'm okay with it, is because of Him. He knows, so why should I worry? 

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you." ~Psalm 55:23 

A wise man once told me: "It doesn't matter who you are, it only matters whose you are." 

And one day, it all became clear. 

I am a child of God. 

I told myself that I would no longer change for the guy I saw in Science class who I thought was cute. I would no longer change for the handsome man in my Public Relations class. I will only change for Him. 

I can say with 100% honesty that I have never been happier in my entire life. I love every single minute of every single day that I live, because I am living for the King. And this made me think: If I'm this happy now, imagine how happy I'll be when I've found the right man and am happily married. 

I thought about that, and prayed about how I can't wait for that day to come, when I reach my full happiness. And then, like clockwork, a friend showed me this. 

[refuse to wait]

I am not waiting, I am living. I am chasing after God, and if there is a man who can keep up with me in this chase, I'll marry him. And I can only hope that he yearns for A Crucifixion Type Love. (<--watch this. Seriously.) 

"The kind of love that covers the wounds that were dug deep by the knives of infidelity and insecurity." 

She's just being Miley

These two blog posts say it all, in my opinion. 

Miley Needs Jesus

I Weep for Miley

Monday laugh.

Ok, seriously. I just about died laughing.

Check this out.

Fear

At the student-planned Prime Time Mass this past Wednesday evening, we were each given a square of clay before we entered the chapel. The opening question was not something to discuss, like usual, but instead was an instruction to form out of our clay something that we fear. 

I kneaded my small square of clay until it became round. I then took my skewer stick and drew an outline of America.

After the Gospel we were instructed to morph our clay into something that we believe will keep us from those fears. I then formed my clay into an eye. 

When Michael asked if any of us were willing to share, I raised my hand. 

I first formed the world because I fear the world that my nephews and niece, as well as my own children someday, will live in. 

I transformed that world into an eye, because I know God is always watching over us and He will take care of us, so there is no reason to fear. This isn't necessarily easy, though, and I get that. 


Had you asked me 6 months ago what I feared, the list would have included things like:

my future

being alone

failure

Here's the thing, though. I have learned a lot in the past 6 months. A lot. 

I know now that I will never be alone because God is always with me. 

I know now that I don't need to fear failure, because failure helps me learn and gives me the motivation to try again. 

I know now that I shouldn't fear my future because God knows what He's doing. Everything happens for a reason and if something isn't going right, it's probably going to teach me something and I will come out of the situation better than I was before. 

I have a really great friend whose faith I admire greatly, and she will occasionally text me random Bible verses. Those verses always seem to be just what I need to hear at the time. She recently sent me this: 

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, which must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

~James 1:2-4

Relay For Life 2013!

Hey all! Sorry it's been so long...I've been busy with a lot of things, but mostly PLANNING RELAYYYY!!! :) 

So our Relay was last Friday (April 12) in the McLeod center. Our exec team worked very hard all year long to plan this huge event, which is one of the biggest events on our campus. 

The night was successful, with plenty of games and entertainment happening, including the Brazilian 2wins. They were so good! Although they were running on a small amount of sleep, they still helped us keep the energy high at 2am! 

I did not enjoy myself as much as last year, but I had more responsibilities this year and I think I forgot to have fun.. Lesson learned! I still had a great time. I impatiently wait for this night every year. I have never been more passionate about anything than I am about Relay! 

Getting to the good part....the total! 

$88,861.63!!!! 

This money goes to the American Cancer Society to fund cancer research as well as provide transportation to and from treatments for cancer patients. 

Our hard-working exec team couldn't be more proud of our accomplishment! That's a big chunk of money to help kick cancer's butt!! 

So now, the countdown begins until next year's Relay. I CAN'T WAIT! :) 

Lent

"Even now, says the Lord,    

return to me with your whole heart,

with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

Rend your hearts, not your garments,

and return to the Lord, your God.

For gracious and merciful is he, 

slow to anger, rich in kindness, 

and relenting in punishment."

~Joel 2:12-13

"Often we stray from the center of our being, getting caught up in distractions that divide our hearts and our souls. Like the lost sheep in the gospel, we drift from the fold and, in our loneliness, hear the call to come home." 

This has happened to me more times than I would like to admit. I love being involved, but often times I immerse myself in my work with school and student organizations that I lose sight of what is important: my relationship with God. 

This Lenten season, along with giving up sweets and pop (which will hopefully, in turn, make me healthier!), I vow to make a change in my lifestyle. A change that will bring me closer to God and hopefully help me do everything I do wholeheartedly, with the help of God. I will devote more time each day to reflecting; not only on the book I have and the Bible verses in it, but on my every day actions and how they affect people. 

I think spending time at St. Stephen's will really help me in this journey. There are so many people there that have such strong relationships with God and I admire each and every one of them. 

What will you do this Lenten season?