Who Am I?

Lately, there have been quite a few things rolling around in my head. I've only told a select few people about most of them, but there's one that has been on my mind constantly for several months now. 

Relationships. 

I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I'm talking about all relationships. 

Dictionary definition, a relationship is "an emotional or other connection between people"

I don't know about everyone else, but I know for a fact that I have an emotional connection with several people. For me, though, connecting with people is easy. I'm a "people person," and have no problem striking up a conversation to get to know someone. In fact, meeting new people is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with so many amazing people in my life; people I can be silly with one day and have a heart-to-heart about what's on our minds the next day. I can't begin to accurately describe these friendships to anyone, because an outside source just wouldn't understand. That's what relationships are about: having a connection that no one else understands. 

And when I think about the future, I can only imagine how amazing a marriage will be. I look at my parents, who have been married for 36 years, and I see that they care about each other. I see that they love each other. I see that they would be lost without each other. But I can't begin to understand the inside of their relationship, nor do I want to because that is their relationship. A relationship of any sort can only be between two people. 

I've been single for about 8 months now, which is a change for me. After my relationship of 2 years ended, I was afraid didn't know how to be alone, and I dealt with that fear of the unknown in ways that I choose not to discuss. I don't forget them, though, because that part of my life has played a large part in who I am today, and who I continuously strive to be.

In high school, I would change my "likes" or "dislikes" to impress the guy I currently had a crush on. I would pretend to like things because he liked those things, and it would give us a conversation starter. I realized, though, that because of this: I had no idea who I was. What an incredibly terrifying thought. "I am Whitney Stoolman." That's all I knew. 

And then one day, it all changed. 

Yeah, right. If only it were that easy. It took time and a whole lot of prayer, and here's the kicker: I'm still not 100% sure. For example, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing after I graduate college. Actually, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing after class tomorrow. But the difference between then and now, is that I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not knowing what God has in store for me. I'm okay with not knowing where life will take me next. And the reason I'm okay with it, is because of Him. He knows, so why should I worry? 

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you." ~Psalm 55:23 

A wise man once told me: "It doesn't matter who you are, it only matters whose you are." 

And one day, it all became clear. 

I am a child of God. 

I told myself that I would no longer change for the guy I saw in Science class who I thought was cute. I would no longer change for the handsome man in my Public Relations class. I will only change for Him. 

I can say with 100% honesty that I have never been happier in my entire life. I love every single minute of every single day that I live, because I am living for the King. And this made me think: If I'm this happy now, imagine how happy I'll be when I've found the right man and am happily married. 

I thought about that, and prayed about how I can't wait for that day to come, when I reach my full happiness. And then, like clockwork, a friend showed me this. 

[refuse to wait]

I am not waiting, I am living. I am chasing after God, and if there is a man who can keep up with me in this chase, I'll marry him. And I can only hope that he yearns for A Crucifixion Type Love. (<--watch this. Seriously.) 

"The kind of love that covers the wounds that were dug deep by the knives of infidelity and insecurity." 

She's just being Miley

These two blog posts say it all, in my opinion. 

Miley Needs Jesus

I Weep for Miley

Monday laugh.

Ok, seriously. I just about died laughing.

Check this out.

Fear

At the student-planned Prime Time Mass this past Wednesday evening, we were each given a square of clay before we entered the chapel. The opening question was not something to discuss, like usual, but instead was an instruction to form out of our clay something that we fear. 

I kneaded my small square of clay until it became round. I then took my skewer stick and drew an outline of America.

After the Gospel we were instructed to morph our clay into something that we believe will keep us from those fears. I then formed my clay into an eye. 

When Michael asked if any of us were willing to share, I raised my hand. 

I first formed the world because I fear the world that my nephews and niece, as well as my own children someday, will live in. 

I transformed that world into an eye, because I know God is always watching over us and He will take care of us, so there is no reason to fear. This isn't necessarily easy, though, and I get that. 


Had you asked me 6 months ago what I feared, the list would have included things like:

my future

being alone

failure

Here's the thing, though. I have learned a lot in the past 6 months. A lot. 

I know now that I will never be alone because God is always with me. 

I know now that I don't need to fear failure, because failure helps me learn and gives me the motivation to try again. 

I know now that I shouldn't fear my future because God knows what He's doing. Everything happens for a reason and if something isn't going right, it's probably going to teach me something and I will come out of the situation better than I was before. 

I have a really great friend whose faith I admire greatly, and she will occasionally text me random Bible verses. Those verses always seem to be just what I need to hear at the time. She recently sent me this: 

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, which must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

~James 1:2-4

Relay For Life 2013!

Hey all! Sorry it's been so long...I've been busy with a lot of things, but mostly PLANNING RELAYYYY!!! :) 

So our Relay was last Friday (April 12) in the McLeod center. Our exec team worked very hard all year long to plan this huge event, which is one of the biggest events on our campus. 

The night was successful, with plenty of games and entertainment happening, including the Brazilian 2wins. They were so good! Although they were running on a small amount of sleep, they still helped us keep the energy high at 2am! 

I did not enjoy myself as much as last year, but I had more responsibilities this year and I think I forgot to have fun.. Lesson learned! I still had a great time. I impatiently wait for this night every year. I have never been more passionate about anything than I am about Relay! 

Getting to the good part....the total! 

$88,861.63!!!! 

This money goes to the American Cancer Society to fund cancer research as well as provide transportation to and from treatments for cancer patients. 

Our hard-working exec team couldn't be more proud of our accomplishment! That's a big chunk of money to help kick cancer's butt!! 

So now, the countdown begins until next year's Relay. I CAN'T WAIT! :) 

Lent

"Even now, says the Lord,    

return to me with your whole heart,

with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

Rend your hearts, not your garments,

and return to the Lord, your God.

For gracious and merciful is he, 

slow to anger, rich in kindness, 

and relenting in punishment."

~Joel 2:12-13

"Often we stray from the center of our being, getting caught up in distractions that divide our hearts and our souls. Like the lost sheep in the gospel, we drift from the fold and, in our loneliness, hear the call to come home." 

This has happened to me more times than I would like to admit. I love being involved, but often times I immerse myself in my work with school and student organizations that I lose sight of what is important: my relationship with God. 

This Lenten season, along with giving up sweets and pop (which will hopefully, in turn, make me healthier!), I vow to make a change in my lifestyle. A change that will bring me closer to God and hopefully help me do everything I do wholeheartedly, with the help of God. I will devote more time each day to reflecting; not only on the book I have and the Bible verses in it, but on my every day actions and how they affect people. 

I think spending time at St. Stephen's will really help me in this journey. There are so many people there that have such strong relationships with God and I admire each and every one of them. 

What will you do this Lenten season? 

Reminiscing..

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.

Let's take  a moment to reminisce how Ash Wednesday went for me last year...

The whole detailed story is here, but here's a quick recap in photos:

Long story short: plasma donation gone wrong. 

The worst part was that I had to go to work at Hudson and play the piano..with my arm twice the size it normally is. Obviously I survived, but I am certainly never donating plasma again. 

The Daily Struggles: Part 2

So, I'm sort of an accident waiting to happen. 

I FINALLY received my Frank Sinatra poster in the mail (after waiting over a month). After Prime Time I came back to the room to hang it up: 

As you can see, I'm standing on my desk. I asked Peter if he would help me down. He grabbed my legs and lifted me off the desk. When he went to put me down, however, I lost my balance and fell backwards--landing right on my tail bone. I'm not sure I've ever been in so much pain. Yes, folks, I realize I'm a hypochondriac. But this really did hurt! (and still does)

I iced it for a while and then struggled up to my loft. The next day I decided not to go to classes because 1) I could barely walk and when I did I looked ridiculous and 2) I didn't think I could sit in one place for that long. So I stayed in my room and watched Netflix/napped all day. All things considered, that part wasn't so bad.

It feels a little better today. Walking is a little easier/less painful, but I still look ridiculous. Sitting down is fine once I get there. I will definitely be taking it easy for a few days, and my ice pack is my new best friend..

The Daily Struggles

Ever noticed how much of a "right-handed" world we live in? Me either. Until I became left-handed. Here's the story. 

I don't really know the story. 

I've had wrist pain for a while now (like, 2 years or so). I didn't do anything about it because I sort of have a history of being a hypochondriac. In November it got to the point where it hurt to play the piano. Which is not okay in my book. 

I made an appointment with the Student Health Center on campus, where I saw a doctor who told me my wrist pain was stemming from my neck and back pain from a car accident 5 years ago. That didn't really seem logical, but I went with it. I went in a couple weeks later and did something called Spinal Reflex Analysis. This process gave me temporary relief. Less than a week later I was having pain again. I made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon back home. She didn't really give me many answers. She gave me a brace to wear for 2 months and put me on anti-inflammatory pills to "chemically fix the problem." That was the beginning of January and the pain is not getting better. 

Now I'm at the point where it hurts to do simple things with my right hand. Things like push buttons on a microwave, open a door, eat and, oh yeah-write! 

I'm currently teaching myself to be ambidextrous. I write almost everything with my left hand, unless I need to write something down quickly. The handwriting is legible, and has improved since I first started. 

I quickly realized in this endeavor that most things in this world are more made for right-handed people--which was fine with me when I was right-handed. Now it's just frustrates me. 

Also, it's really awkward to go in for a handshake with your left hand. 

So now I impatiently await spring break when I get to make another lovely trip to the doctor. Hopefully I can get some answers and get back to playing the piano for pleasure! Until then, I will continue the suffer the daily struggles of being a lefty. 

Peace

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid." ~John 14:27

As a busy college student, I have often struggled to embrace the peace that God has graced us with. At this point in my life I find that the place I find the most peace is St. Stephen's (the Catholic student center on campus.) I find peace in knowing that the people there will always welcome me with open arms and will always make time for me if I'm struggling with something. The individuals at St. Stephen's all have a level of faith that is inspiring. The students are there because they WANT to be there, not because their parents are MAKING them be there. I think that in itself says quite a bit about them. 

It's not just the people, though. I find the building itself peaceful, no matter if it's Sunday morning and filled with students and community members, or a Thursday evening when there's just a few souls around. The spot I cherish the most, however, is the chapel: the front corner where the piano is located. Whether it be bright on a Sunday morning or dimly lit on a weekday, it's where I can let myself go. Unfortunately, I have been playing the piano less for pleasure lately, as I have had wrist pain. Still, on days where things are just not going my way, I will take five minutes-enduring the pain-and play my heart out. Occasionally I will sing as I play, and often times my friend Peter (who is MUCH better at playing piano than me) will play as I sing. 

This front corner of the chapel is also where I stand when I cantor for mass every so often. 

“For he who sings praise, does not only praise, but also praises joyfully; he who sings praise, not only sings, but also loves Him whom he is singing about/to/for. There is a praise-filled public proclamation (praedicatio) in the praise of someone who is confessing/acknowledging (God), in the song of the lover (there is) love."

Where do you find peace?

Wisdom

                    "If you're looking for wisdom, call your grandmother." - Alice Hoffman

I am lucky to have one grandmother still living. She is 92 years old, lives across the street from my home in RC, and never leaves her house. She {thinks} she knows a lot about what I do, but in reality it's all just assumptions from how many times/what time I leave the house everyday. She once told me when I was home for a weekend from college that she gets bored when I'm not home. Still, I love her. And I know she loves me, as I can tell from my visits to her house--when she thinks of anything and everything to talk about so I stay there just a tad longer. She has a big heart and we all love her (even Aunt Sharon when she has to buy her groceries and go through the checkout with Metamucil, etc.) 

How I wish I could still call my other  grandmother. My Grandma Mohr was one of the greatest women I've ever know. I didn't get as much time with her as most people my age do with their grandparents (as my mom was the youngest of 8 and I am the youngest as well), and I wish I would have cherished her time more. 

She had the strongest faith of anyone I've ever met. She was and still is an inspiration to me as I travel on my journey to strengthening my faith.

Grandma Mohr taught me many things (she's the reason I'm so good at the guilt trip), but the most important thing she taught me is on a tiny little plaque that sits on my piano at home. It says:

"Everything happens for a reason, just believe." 

This is also on a poster hanging in my dorm room, as an everyday reminder. 

As we go through life, we must remember that God has a plan for us. Each and every one of us. And everything that happens has a reason behind it. All these little things that happen in our every day lives have a purpose in the big picture.

For the Beauty of the Earth

A friend of mine has decided to go to Europe for an undetermined amount of time. When I heard this news I thought to myself, "I would love to spend an unlimited amount of time in Europe, seeing all the gorgeous views." 

I then realized that we often take for granted the beauty we have right here in the United States-more specifically, Iowa. 

As the daughter of a city maintenance man who has to plow all of it, I was raised to dislike snow. I'm still not a huge fan of it, but pictures like this make me realize that it's just another one of God's great treasures He gives us. 

With the beautiful fall weather we had this year, it was easy to slow down on my walk to class and capture simple beauty like this: 

Now if we travel back to the place I call home, Calhoun County, Iowa, we find treasures like these: 

And the best place of all: Twin Lakes, Iowa

With our chaotic lives, it's important to stop and take in the beauty of the Earth, for God is the world's greatest artist. 

Open Your Eyes..

This speaks truth. 

Wordless Wednesday

Do You Hear the People Sing?

Two words: Les Miserables. 

As much as I love acting and singing, I actually have not seen as many musicals as one would think. In fact, I had never seen any form of Les Mis, nor had I even heard the songs. 

OH MY GOSH. Can you say LOVE?! My mom and I took a trip to Fort Dodge one night over break to get some groceries and we decided to go see it. Amazing decision. We both loved it, and I haven't stopped singing the songs since....

Reasons I loved it: 

1) It's in France. Uh, hello?! I love everything about France. (and CAN'T WAIT to go again in June)

2) The music. I honestly don't care that Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman haven't had years of training in singing, 

3) The acting. Anne Hathaway is one of my favorite actresses and Hugh Jackman is, well, Hugh Jackman. 

4) Isabelle Allen. and A Castle on a Cloud. No further words needed. 

5) This. Which I'm singing for an audition this weekend... (more information to come) 

And just the movie in its entirety. I have tossed around the thought of seeing it again...and I will most definitely be purchasing it on DVD. 

Don't know much about history...

Sam Cooke. 

Ring a bell? Probably not. 

I LOVE music like this. Music from the late 50's and 60's is one of my top favorite things to listen to. One of my favorite songs is (What A) Wonderful World by the one and only Sam Cooke. 

The reason for this post is because January 22nd is his birthday. I don't have any facts about how many number one hits he had or anything of the sort, nor do I care. All I know is that he made beautiful music that I could listen to all day, and that he died at the too-young age of 33. 

So if you've never heard of him, check it out. You won't be disappointed. 

Christmas!

Christmas sort of went by fast- and I'm a little sad about it. It was, however, full of amazing food, great company, and lots of naps :) 

I went up to Lindsay's house a few days before Christmas to stay with the boys (who were both sick) while Chris worked and Lindsay finished some Christmas shopping. They were super cuddly, and I was okay with it! 

Sunday before Christmas we celebrated the Pedersen family Christmas. Here's the annual 'sibling' photo:

I worked during the day of Christmas Eve. Thankfully, Mike and Julie came in (and stayed to drink) and let me leave so I could make it to church. The choir sang a few songs before Mass started. I sang O Holy Night (at the front of church-scary!) with the choir joining on the refrain. 

After Mass, Ma and Pa had the bowling gang over for prime rib. I stopped over to Kristen's grandparents for a little while (because they're my second family-I have to see them on Christmas!). I came home and enjoyed the prime rib and great company :) 

Pa dressed up as Santa for Mass (per Father Brian's request) to give the message that even Santa has time to attend Mass. 

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause....

Christmas day we were all up and at 'em early to start cooking. Pa and I worked hard making cheeseballs and pickle wraps. The troops arrived around noon and the chaos continued throughout the day. We had 21 people total in our house for lunch. We had so much good food and we all ate ourselves into a food coma. After lunch we opened presents and then had pie. The extended family left and the immediate fam opened presents. Needless to say, our living room was pretty much a war zone. All were pleased with the gifts they received, aside from the cookie jar being located in a set of luggage given to Lindsay. She and I managed to sneak it into Shelby's luggage, but JD found it before they left. I am currently not aware of the location, and I'm worried. 

Shelby bought Kaden a marshmallow shooter and, in the words of Lindsay, "This is what Christmas is about:wearing your fuzzy fat pants and shooting marshmallows at people." 

Connor got a new Hawkeye chair

A few of my favorite people! 

So that's the wrap-up of my Christmas. Now I'm just enjoying break, visiting friends, napping quite a bit, and doing basically whatever I want. and I love it. :)